melting into you
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: [In progress - Ch. 6] Tezuka must choose what's more important to him...
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Prince of Tennis isn't mine.  
  
Melting [into] you.  
  
by miyamoto yui  
  
Prologue - kouri. (ice.)  
  
Knock, knock, knock!  
  
I couldn't hear anything because the music was so loud and everyone was talking. The house was so lively that I couldn't imagine it in the way it usually was: Quiet and clean.  
  
Streamers and confetti lined the floors carelessly and I tried to fight my way through the crowd of people with a small nod of my head. But I had to give into the excitement around me and so I smiled while reaching for the doorknob.  
  
I still couldn't believe that this party was for us-  
  
While trying to talk politely to someone, I finally was able to open the door. Then, I turned my head towards the door with a laugh while opening the door to its widest.   
  
"Hello," I said to the young man in front of me who was dressed in a blue t-shirt and jeans. He reminded me of someone, but I couldn't pinpoint whom.  
  
"Hello," he politely answered me. "I am looking for Fuji-san."  
  
"Yes, are you here for the party?"  
  
The young man stood at the door and shook his head. From his manner, he didn't want to come in. "Can I please speak to Fuji-san?"  
  
"Why, may I ask?"   
  
The young man cleared his throat while covering his mouth discreetly. Then, he gently said in a low tone with a tinge of annoyance at my prying, "He is my lover."  
  
Suddenly, my smile became a plastered one, fading itself of sincerity.  
  
I was kind of glad all the noise was drowning out our conversation.  
  
I blinked my eyes and adjusted my glasses a bit. "Excuse me? Did I hear you correctly? I believe you've been mistaken."   
  
"No, I am not." the young man answered with an impatient tone and a sheepish smile. "You can ask him yourself."  
  
"I'll be right back," I said to him as I left the door open for him.  
  
The young man had said it with such confidence that it had overwhelmed me.  
  
Fight me with tennis...  
  
But not with this...not with Syusuke...  
  
Instead of trying to find Syusuke and confronting him immediately, I had to calm myself down. This was just something to shake me up, right? It was just some kind of joke, right? It wasn't true.  
  
It couldn't possibly have been true. And not after all this...  
  
After getting myself something to drink to calm down my nerves, I asked where Syusuke was. People kept on telling me he was in the kitchen trying to get something.  
  
I closed the kitchen door behind me and it somewhat helped to drown out the background noise. Syusuke tilted his head at me with a bright smile on his face. "What's with that face, 'Captain'?"  
  
I walked over to him and I tried to analyze his facial expression.   
  
To find some kind of trace of the truth.  
  
Something with guilt...Something with a lie...Anything.  
  
His ever-smiling face was disturbing me like the first time I had met him.  
  
Now, after all this time, why couldn't I read him? Had I really lost a part of myself to feel so desparate towards him?  
  
What happened to my level-headedness?   
  
I didn't know who I was or where I stood at that particular moment, but I kept my eyes focused on him.  
  
"Is there something wrong?" he asked me as his smile faded.  
  
I went into default mode. My eyes went blank and I felt that tone would parallel my mood now. I somehow reverted back to the way I used to be in order to tell him, "There is someone looking for you. He claims that he's your lover."  
  
At that moment, Fuji didn't say anything at all. He had a serious face, but he was neither angry nor repentant.  
  
Dammit...  
  
I couldn't read him at all now...  
  
In one instant, I had lost him completely.  
  
"Why won't you say anything?" I questioned him as I looked into his eyes.  
  
I gulped as I kept my voice low.   
  
Out of frustration, I began to chuckle to myself out of spite. "Syusuke, why aren't saying anything to me?"  
  
Whenever I got mad, I didn't shout. I started to lose my voice because I was so consumed with anger that I wouldn't even want to talk.  
  
Then, I pushed his shoulder. He budged a little, but he looked at me with indifferent eyes.  
  
As if he didn't care either way...  
  
"So that's how it is, isn't it?" I nodded my head as I took a step back.  
  
Not wanting to lose any more of my pride, I turned around and left the kitchen.  
  
The tables had finally turned, hadn't they?  
  
Without telling anyone, I just slipped through the back and left. I left our engagement gathering and walked away quickly.  
  
So many things were running through my head but I couldn't understand any of it. They were just fleeting thoughts that made my heart feel more and more heavy. And I could have dealt with that just fine, but as I found myself walking away faster and faster, I asked myself aloud, "Why?"  
  
I didn't understand it at all...  
  
When a person learns to melt and feel everything again, they're the ones who fear losing the most. They know what it is like to live life without something important. When the time it actually comes, they cling onto that something important and suffocate it.  
  
Loving it so much that they forget about letting that thing or person breathe. Killing each person gradually with this overwhelming emotion.  
  
I had walked for such a long time that I felt empty, as if all the things I had ever felt had left me the further I walked. I then found myself standing before a railing. Beyond that railing was the ocean.  
  
I looked down at the water and being the resolute person I was, I smiled up at the gray sky above me.  
  
As it began to sprinkle, I wore no expression of my face.  
  
I was back to my 'true self'.  
  
That's who I was anyway, before you met me Syusuke: The Ice Cube.  
  
For the first time, I honestly told myself, "But I don't want to be that anymore. I won't let myself."  
  
Taking a hold of the railing with my right hand, I jumped over it and fell into the ocean.  
  
Splash.  
  
Submerging into the water, I closed my eyes as my glasses faded away and I felt myself being carried away with bitterness within my heart.  
  
"Mitsu...Wake up, Mitsu..." someone softly said into my ear.  
  
Being disoriented, I opened my blurry eyes to find the light on and his face was over me. With concern written all over his face, Syusuke looked at me. "Are you all right?"  
  
I reached out to his face and patted it to make sure it was real. "I think so."  
  
A tear fell from each side of eyes as I looked at him.  
  
Rubbing them away with his thumb, Fuji's eyebrows touched one another and he began to panic a little. "What's wrong? Tell me your dream."  
  
I shook my head. "It's nothing."  
  
He rose an eyebrow and looked at me suspiciously. "The 'Ice Cube' doesn't cry."  
  
I looked at him clearly even though it pained me to hear him say my former nickname.  
  
"Okay..." he shrugged his shoulders and reached over me to turn off the light. But as he was about to settle back into bed, he put his head on my upper arm while touching my cheek with his hand. Pulling himself to kiss me on the cheek, he whispered to my ear, "Don't worry, Mitsu. I'm here."  
  
Then, he smiled as he kissed me on the lips.  
  
That's right...  
  
You are...  
  
My insecurities faded for the moment, but even though he comforted me, I still thought about my dream. I was thankful that it was only a dream because if it had been real, I don't know what I would have done.  
  
Shamefully, I knew that jumping in the ocean within my dream wasn't just a premonition. There was much truth to it.  
  
There's no way I could go back, Syusuke.   
  
I didn't want to go back to that.   
  
I couldn't be that way anymore.  
  
And somehow, with this, I knew I had lost a part of myself.  
  
Tsuzuku...  
  
--  
  
Author's note: I have a dream every night and when I don't dream, that is when I worry. The dream presented in this fic is actually true (though some parts have been modified with parts of other dreams). It is one that I had many years ago (I'd say in 1997) about a person who only existed within my dreams.  
  
I do not know why I used it here, but I felt that it would be appropriate. However, I had no idea what perspective to use because I wanted to do it from Tezuka's point of view. Then, I thought about doing it from Fuji's point of view. But then, how about both? I think that was the hardest thing for me because I wanted to show both of their feelings, but then I decided on this first person because it would be more fun this way. 


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Tennis no Oujisama wa Yui no koto ga janai yo!  
  
melting [into] you.  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 1 - soto. (outside.)  
  
I didn't believe in fate.  
  
Everything in the world could be calculated. It just had to be. How could I count something as 'real' if I didn't see it? How could I possibly believe the fallacies that ensnared by mind when night came?  
  
I didn't want to believe any of the dreams I had because, more often than not, they were nightmares. Every night, I went to bed, but I feared going to sleep. Childish as it may have seemed, I stared at the ceiling until my eyes drooped.   
  
My dreams were always the same: I was searching for someone or something.  
  
And now, it seemed very out of character on my part. Even I, 'the ice cube', blushed slightly from the embarrassment of this particular dream.  
  
Dreams were the opposite of what you wished, or they could be your true desire.  
  
I didn't know how to interpret anything anymore.  
  
I didn't want to believe in dreams. I didn't want to believe in beautiful lies...  
  
...not until that dream.  
  
There I was on my bed sleeping. While I was waking up, there was someone who was touching my waist with their hands.   
  
I stirred because this was an unusual feeling.   
  
It was warm and inviting.   
  
I almost kind of enjoyed it...  
  
I blinked my eyes, but before I could do anything, that person's hands took a hold of my own wrists. Leaning closely to me, I smelled their hair as they whispered to my ear, "Hold onto the headboard."  
  
"What?" I opened my eyes widely, but before I could protest more, I shouted in pain while he kissed my neck at the same time.  
  
Waking up in a cold sweat, I took a deep breath.  
  
"What the hell was that?!" I whispered harshly to myself.  
  
Disgusted with myself, I immediately got up.  
  
--  
  
There was a boy practicing on the courtyard early in the morning. He was even here before me!  
  
"Excuse me, you're not supposed to be here without permission."  
  
Thwack!  
  
He served a ball and turned around to me. Holding up a key, he said, "The coach let me. I guess you are Tezuka-san."  
  
There was something strange about this boy.   
  
I couldn't figure out why the hell he was so familiar with me.  
  
I knew he was my classmate, but something told me I recognized him beyond that.  
  
"How would you know that?"  
  
"She said I would find you here if I came early."  
  
"Do you need to speak to me?"  
  
"No, coach just told me to be aware of it."  
  
"Ah."  
  
I nodded my head and proceeded to walk to another court. As I was walking away, I heard the ball hit the fence with a big bang. I didn't know why, but I turned around to glance and see what had happened.  
  
My classmate just stood there looking at the ball, but he sent a shiver down my spine as he turned to smile at me. It was his ever famous one in which you couldn't see his eyes.  
  
The eyes that were so sharp I swore he wasn't lying with that bold look into my eyes.  
  
"Oops," he finally said while smiling and nodding his head. Clearly, he had done it on purpose.  
  
I turned around to go to the other court.  
  
That was the first time I had spoken to Syusuke...  
  
...but it wasn't the first time I had watched him.  
  
There was a strangeness that made him very charming. I watched him in science class as he interacted with his multiple lab partners, but they were harmless glances. At first, I had wondered what was there to smile about all the time. It was kind of annoying.  
  
I hated being self-conscious about things such as that.  
  
Then, there was talk about him being a tennis tensai. I watched him practice off at some remote corner of the city, somewhere where he thought no one would see him.  
  
I never really went to any matches. It was funny because I really wanted to go, but I couldn't make myself go.  
  
Caught between discretion of simple glances and the determination to make him my own opponent were both inviting to me. When you constantly practiced and slaved over something so much, you had to love it to death or else it wouldn't make sense to pursue it.  
  
That's a simple answer to myself, but was it really true?  
  
Had I loved tennis because I was good at it?   
  
Was it because of the elation it gave me? Elation to the point that I felt like I could fly and make it looks so natural?  
  
Was it because it was so mathematical that it was routine, yet variety came with each opponent I played with?  
  
Or...  
  
Hidden within the recesses of my mind...  
  
...was it because you played it, Syusuke?  
  
For weeks, I came to the courts at the same time I had always come. It was getting monotonous that way, except Syusuke would come too. To spite me, he practiced at different courts. He didn't like being in one place, that's why.  
  
"They're all the same, Fuji-san," I told him with a sigh as he greeted me. "Why must you keep on changing courts?"  
  
"It's fun," he told me. Smiling, he bent his head to one side like the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland. "Besides, if I don't move, you won't move."  
  
Taken aback by this blunt comment, I blinked at him while adjusting my glasses.   
  
Without a word from me, he plainly asked, "So, will you finally play a match with me?"  
  
He wasn't too confident, but neither was he stupid.  
  
That much I knew from the way he slightly twitched his eyebrow and opened his eyes a little with their seriousness.  
  
I nodded my head and we began to play. But as we did so, his manner made me go through a series of dejavu's. It was as if I had seen this all before. And I never had a dejavu unless I had dreamt about a particular situation.  
  
As he came forward and swung with all his might at the last round, I opened my eyes slightly wider than they were accustomed to.  
  
"That look!" I thought for a split-second, but it was too fast for me to recall the memory associated with it.  
  
I would have lost this challenge if it weren't for the fact that I regained my focus and was able to return it to him.  
  
We met at the middle of the court.   
  
He held out his hand and I shook it.  
  
For a second, I swore he held my hand longer than he should have.  
  
And his smile still creeped me out because I felt like he was plotting behind those unreadable eyes.  
  
"Is there something wrong?" he asked me as he pulled his hand away.  
  
I shook my head. "No, nothing at all. Why do you say that?"  
  
"A person's eyes aren't the paths to their soul. It's their hands."   
  
I looked at him curiously. Was he really this strange?  
  
Why was he telling me something like that?  
  
When we went to the locker room to change, Syusuke just took off his shirt right there in front of me. It should have been perfectly normal, but instead of leaving, he turned around and pushed his hands on my locker, at each side of my head.  
  
"Get away from me," I told him calmly, giving him an icier look than the first time we had met.  
  
"Why are you uncomfortable with me?" He pushed his hand on my chest and poked me. "Did I do something to you? Or am I violating your personal space?"  
  
"Yes, in fact you are." As I was about to politely push him away, he put his hands down and pulled on my hands. Looking at them, I sighed out of frustration. With no discretion whatsoever, I said with an annoyed tone, "Let go of me."  
  
Firmly, he held onto my hands and looked at them very carefully.  
  
"What is the meaning of this?"  
  
"How am I supposed to figure you out if you're always cold like that? I've resorted to reading your hand." As he was about to let go of it, he tricked me!  
  
Pinning my hands to the locker, he leaned up.  
  
Opening my mouth, I was about to shout, but instead of doing what I thought he would, he pursed his lips together and blew air into my mouth, close enough as if our lips were going to meet.   
  
My eyes opened widely as I looked at his closed eyes. As he stepped back, he finally let go of me.  
  
"What the hell was that?!" I found myself shouting. "Have you lost your mind?!"  
  
I rarely got angry, but to have someone take a kiss like that...  
  
And a boy?! A boy?!?!   
  
With a seductive eye and a clear evil grin, he was satisfied. "You tell me, Tezuka-san."  
  
Then, he left me alone to watch him walk away.  
  
You didn't play fair, Syusuke...  
  
As I finished changing, I felt a tingling on my hands and I was at my wit's end even though I stood there emotionless. All the tumult was within me, but that's why they had named me 'the Ice Cube'.   
  
I could have been suffering for all they knew, but I'd rather die than show my weakness.  
  
My hands continued to tingle.   
  
"What did you see there, I wonder..." I thought to myself as I found myself looking at my hands.   
  
That's why he played on my emotions.  
  
He knew exactly where to get me.   
  
Tennis made my eyes appear so unfeeling, but he knew that my heart was like a little boy's.  
  
There was much I needed to know about life outside of myself.  
  
Tsuzuku...  
  
--  
  
Author's note: I didn't know what to do at first. I thought I'd do dreams, even though that's been a big no-no last time I took a creative writing course. I don't know why I associate handsome Tezuka with dream sequences, but I guess I'll just have to discover that while I write more.  
  
Unlike other shounen ai couples I've done, I wanted to do a simple love story between these two where the issue _is_ homosexuality. (Well, whatever I mean by 'simple'. ^^;;;; Which will probably be 'complicated' not too long within the story, right? * sweatdrop *) 


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: yui doesn't own PoT. Centre of my heart is by Roxette.  
  
melting [into] you.  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 2 - a little excited, a little pain  
  
That 'indirect kiss' was a curse.  
  
A meaningless one could be erased and forgotten as if it never happen. History of its occurrence could be eradicated.  
  
A cautious one was established by danger itself.  
  
But what about a bewitching one?  
  
It wasn't a joke at all.  
  
Some part of me was afraid that it had been done for real.  
  
It scared me that I slightly enjoyed the excitement...  
  
He always loved to play jokes and that was just one of them. I just couldn't understand why the hell he had so much fun annoying me.  
  
It didn't help when we had classes together. Syusuke, who always sat with his hands folded and that smile, never ceased to glance at me from across the room. He did it to bug me.  
  
That was just the tip of the iceberg!  
  
_Normally,_ people who made advances to shock classmates would back down, or vice versa. There was no way I would let go of his little challenge.  
  
He had made fun of me with that puff of air. What the hell was he trying to accomplish with that? He would talk to other people, but he never seemed to play the tricks that he could have with them.  
  
Only with me.  
  
And I didn't like being treated like a toy. Not _me_.  
  
I didn't get through tennis by luck. It was determination and sacrifice.  
  
"You're not going to mess up my way of thinking..." I found myself mumbling to myself.  
  
Or so I thought...  
  
He continued to practice at the courts as if nothing ever happened. I didn't know if that was good or bad. I just didn't like being left with him in the locker room when we were changing. Of course, my expressionless face and the way I pulled my collar confidently didn't really give me away.  
  
We were assigned for after-school clean up and so there we were at class quietly doing what we needed to do. We didn't so much as glance at one another.  
  
I wondered why he wasn't doing his usually staring or trying to make me react to his childish games. (Like when he waved across while I almost fell asleep when I didn't have a wink of sleep after such a bad nightmare the night before.)  
  
"If you don't like people touching you, then you should say so," his voice clearly said with seriousness. Leaning up with the broom and dustpan in his hands, he continued, "But I did it so that you knew your own boundaries."  
  
I stuck my head back into the classroom with my arms filled with specks of chalk dust all over them. "A pat I can understand, but pinning me to my locker isn't something I enjoy. That's harassment if you ask me, Fuji-san."  
  
His comment hit me to the fullest extent that he could. Were his eyes filled with foolishness actually analyzing me that much?  
  
I didn't want to think about it in that way.  
  
I sighed as he shrugged his shoulders and resumed sweeping the floor around him.  
  
I didn't know if I had hurt his feelings or not.  
  
I just couldn't read him!   
  
I've played so many people before and this was the only one I couldn't figure out!  
  
Plack.  
  
He dropped his broom and came over to me. I stood there, not ready to back down just because he was coming over to me. As he stood before me, he grabbed my arms. Untucking his shirt, he began to rub it on my arms.  
  
I was at my wit's end, but then he returned my icy look as he said, "You idiot. You know you're allergic to chalk dust and you were too stubborn to switch with me."  
  
My harsh look weakened as he gently scrubbed it off my arms. They were already turning red, but I was holding off scratching them as I usually would.  
  
"How did you know that?" I looked down at him, but Mr. Know-it-all didn't answer at me at all.  
  
I couldn't even hear him breathe.  
  
"There." He took a step back and went back to sweeping the floor.   
  
"I'll be right back," I said while putting down the erasers.   
  
I immediately went to the bathroom to wash off the remaining dust.   
  
Then, I looked at my own face. Was I really that easy for him to read? Why was that possible?  
  
I was impressed.  
  
And different from his other idiotic looks, he actually made it seem as if he cared.  
  
There was something about his in-your-face attitude that got to me, but it also drew me to him. I was afraid that both were working very well and in his favor.  
  
When I came back to the classroom, everything was already finished. I blinked my eyes and shook my head, but I wouldn't question a good deed either.  
  
So, I left.  
  
--  
  
I tried to study at school and I loved to learn about anything. As long as it had something to do about life, I was sure to be there to experience it. Unfortunately, my social skills were anything but.  
  
I had been nicknamed 'The Ice Cube' because stupidly, someone tried to get a reaction out of me by placing several ice cubes down my shirt. These kids were jealous that I was the only freshman who was a regular on the tennis team.  
  
I didn't react.  
  
I didn't even look at them.  
  
It didn't stop there though. Girls would come up to me with love confessions and I would politely refuse them. Then, there was a rumor that went around that I was gay.  
  
That's why I was so taken aback by Syusuke's boldness towards me.   
  
It wasn't true at all though.   
  
I had loved one girl.   
  
But it was just a glance when I was little. I didn't know that was love, but I knew that it was more than a crush.   
  
Stupid as it may have seemed, I realized it when I came to junior high, and especially in high school. I knew what to call it.  
  
It's not fair to call it 'love at first sight', especially since I didn't remember what she looked liked. I just remembered the feeling she gave me.  
  
She was energetic and so into what she was doing.  
  
I had mental block about everything else, but I remembered, despite everything, the inspiration she gave me.  
  
To ease myself, I shook my head and started to practice as I always had.   
  
Thwack. Thwack.  
  
This was what I was good at. Tennis.  
  
I've learned to live and I've learned to die through it.  
  
How could people know what love is through my eyes? Didn't they how much I loved this sport?  
  
It wasn't just a way of life and it wasn't just a part of me, it gave me a reason for my existence.  
  
I melted when I played.  
  
As I was going home, I reached into my bag and found a piece of paper floating inside of it.   
  
"What's this?"  
  
He left a note that said:  
  
"I went through your bag and got your phone number. You owe me anyway and so I took it as collateral. Have a nice day."   
  
He even drew a chibi caricature of himself to spite me.  
  
"Kono yarou!" I shouted inside of my head, but as I looked at my arms, it didn't seem to matter.   
  
"Two can play this game..." I whispered to myself.  
  
--  
  
Syusuke, opposite to usual social conventions, was even more fervent about his flirting. Tensai that he was, he loved the fact that we could play against one another at least once a week. But when he entered the court, I saw a different Syusuke.  
  
He was person who became a wall that I couldn't get past.  
  
One time, we were playing for hours. Smiling at one another at the other's prowess, we went to the locker room together as the evening started. The only reason we even stopped was because it was getting dark.  
  
So absorbed with our game, we totally forgot about the time.  
  
I sat down on the watch and breathed in a little.  
  
At that moment, one of my veins contracted and I winced slightly in pain.  
  
"That was a good game-" he was saying aloud while turning to me. But then he stopped as I turned away from him.  
  
"What's wrong, Tezuka-san?"  
  
I shook my head as my back faced him. I began to rub my wrist.  
  
Syusuke immediately sat in front of me and pulled my hand. Rubbing my wrist, he also turned over my hand to massage the top of it. I knew by now not to stop him when he became so meticulously quiet.  
  
It helped a lot.  
  
"Thanks," I found myself saying.  
  
He shook his head. "No problem. Maybe I'm just having a free feel of your hands, you know?"  
  
Syusuke gave me his clown face and smiled at me while letting go.   
  
"Naw, you wouldn't be that cruel."  
  
"Are you sure?" He got up and patted my shoulder. Rubbing his thumb onto my shoulder, he shook his head. Taking a deep breath, he told me, "You're the first to tell me that..."  
  
I adjusted my glasses as he took his hand away from me. Quietly, he dressed up and left me without a goodbye.  
  
And just when I was about to think that he was cool, he popped right back in and told me, "How sexy would you be if I took off those glasses? It gets to me how you always adjust them whenever you're with me."  
  
Never mind. Scratch that thought.  
  
"Fuji-san..." I popped a vein as he kissed his hand and blew it towards me to add cherry on top of the icing.  
  
--  
  
So, as the weeks passed, that was how we were towards each other. I would quietly fume as he tried his best to poke me on all my sore spots. His amazing ability was that he _knew exactly_ which buttons to trigger an explosion.  
  
There was a talent show at our school and normally, I wouldn't even go. I'd be out in the tennis courts and hear everything that came from the auditorium. This time, however, I was going.  
  
Not that my reasons were too good either...  
  
The night of the performances, I stood in the back of the auditorium with my legs and arms crossed. Syusuke apparently was asked by the girls of the class to do a dancing routine. Since he was light on his feet, they thought it would be a good role.  
  
And so, I watched him.  
  
He was wearing a Charlie Chaplin type of outfit. He wore a white shirt with suspenders that held up his black pants. Bowing to the audience, he began to tap dance, but then he changed to all different kinds such as hip hop, Noh, etc.  
  
All within five minutes!  
  
And that wasn't just it. He even wore different expressions, but he was good with this role. It was one of an actor.  
  
Then, as the curtain was closed, I ran to the back.   
  
Yes, it was actually my turn...  
  
The girls asked me to try too. Normally, I wouldn't ever do this type of thing, but I didn't want Syusuke to win over me. I didn't want him to be right about everything...  
  
As the curtains opened, the lights were put back on. There was a microphone on the stage and the music was starting. The girl, Yoshimoto-san, who was heading the talent show, announced, "And let's hear it for our last act. It was hard to get him all the way here, but please welcome Tezuka Kunimitsu-san!"  
  
There was a big outburst from the audience and I walked in with my cold expression and that just made the girls even crazier. I didn't understand what made them act this way.  
  
I always felt so ordinary...  
  
I had to try so hard for things like this...  
  
And yet they admired me for things that didn't come so natural to me...  
  
I held a cool stance as I tapped my head up and down, waiting for the song to begin.   
  
I was anything but cool, though. I was nervous. Here he had performed something amazing and I was the last act. I had to close it all and I was doing something so simple...  
  
I took a hold of the microphone stand and I felt a breeze flow through me because I had only buttoned one button. And for an added affect, the girls gave me these black slacks to wear. ^^;;;  
  
Looking up, I found Syusuke leaning at the stop where I was earlier.  
  
With a deep breath, I looked at the audience and began to sing,  
  
"What am I gonna do when I get a little excited,  
  
a little in pain? Tell me  
  
What am I gonna say when I find the centre of my heart  
  
is a suburb to the brain?"  
  
Trying to directly look at him, I sang to him while holding my hands out in front of me, but my expressionless was replaced by vibrant eyes like when I played tennis.  
  
"You wear them so well, those innocent eyes  
  
You're puttin' on a wonderful disguise  
  
I want you so bad. I'm pushing my luck  
  
It feels like being hit by a truck  
  
This is no place special. Don't know why I came  
  
If someone has a minute, won't you explain?  
  
What am I gonna do when I get a little excited,  
  
a little in pain? Tell me  
  
What am I gonna say when I find the centre of my heart  
  
is a suburb to the brain?  
  
Singing."  
  
I shook my head from side to side.  
  
"na nana nana na  
  
na nana nana na"  
  
I then took the microphone off the stand and held it in my hand. Moving my hips slightly from side to side, I remembered how he tried to kiss me and I leaned against the microphone trying to imitate just that.  
  
Opening my eyes again, I sang even louder and stronger than before (also to go over the crowd of screams),  
  
"Being with you, dealing with fire  
  
Oh won't you come around (come out)  
  
come out (today) and play  
  
(I want you so bad)  
  
Answer my calls  
  
Let's spend the night within these walls  
  
This is no place special.  
  
Nothing for the sane (Nothing for the sane)  
  
If someone's got minute, do please explain."  
  
It was then that I felt so alive as I began to melt in front of them. On this stage, an actor also, I sang to them not from myself, but someone who looked like me.  
  
Except, the words were exactly the same. This was my troubled heart.  
  
Can you read me so well now, Syusuke?  
  
"What am I gonna do when I get a little excited,  
  
a little in pain? Tell me  
  
What am I gonna say when I find the centre of my heart  
  
is a suburb to the brain?  
  
Singing  
  
na nana nana na  
  
na nana nana na  
  
What am I gonna do when I get a little excited,  
  
a little in pain? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me  
  
What am I gonna do when I get a little excited,  
  
a little in pain? Tell me  
  
What am I gonna say when I find the centre of my heart  
  
is a suburb to the brain?  
  
Singing  
  
na nana nana na  
  
na nana nana na  
  
What am I gonna to do  
  
What am I gonna do when I get a little excited,  
  
a little in pain?  
  
The centre of my heart  
  
Yeah, yeah, yeah  
  
What am I gonna say when I find the centre of my heart  
  
is a suburb to the brain?  
  
What am I gonna do now?  
  
What am I gonna say when I find the centre of my heart  
  
is a suburb to the brain?"  
  
At the end, the audience shouted and cheered for me. Taking a polite bow, I left the stage. But also, I left the whole situation too.  
  
This wasn't me.  
  
Though I liked it, I knew I was doing it for the wrong reasons.  
  
I had gone there as if it were a competition, not to have fun. I went there because I wanted to see what else Syusuke could do.  
  
In a way, I was disappointed in myself. I was too honest about myself that it scared at me.  
  
How could I want to learn about life if I didn't participate in it?  
  
I was a hypocrite...  
  
The cold expression was to push people away.  
  
I wanted someone to break this barrier that even I couldn't get through.  
  
The iciness had already penetrated into my heart and I had let it seep in so easily.  
  
I ran to the locker room. Throwing the clothes to the ground, I changed. I had only put on my pants when Syusuke arrived in there.  
  
"I don't want to see you right now."  
  
"Well, isn't that a way to greet someone," he commented as he walked towards me. "I just knew you'd be here."  
  
"I'm just that predictable, aren't I?" I looked into my locker, but I didn't move.  
  
"No, apparently not." He began to chuckle. "In fact, I came here to tell you about how good you were."  
  
"You were so much better," I told him as I turned to him.  
  
He then stood in front of me. He pushed my heart. "I act out anything. It was just a timed thing. But you had this. I don't have that because I don't like getting attached to anyone or anything."  
  
I just looked at him curiously.  
  
"You win this round," he told me. "I was taken in."  
  
I lifted up an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"  
  
With a slight smile, he sang quietly to me and took off my glasses while placing them into my locker,  
  
"You wear them so well, those innocent eyes  
  
You're puttin' on a wonderful disguise  
  
I want you so bad. I'm pushing my luck."  
  
At that moment, he grabbed my neck and really kissed me. Pushing me against the lockers, he held my warm face with both of his hands and kissed me even more.  
  
As he pulled away, he gave me a thoughtful smile. "Stop doing what you do to make me go crazy."  
  
I was still out of breath and shocked that I closed my lips slowly. Yet, I was still cool as I looked at him.  
  
He left me there with me still tasting our kiss.  
  
I know I should have gotten mad, but I couldn't. I knew I had asked for it by singing that song and doing all that.  
  
But he took my breath away.  
  
With that kiss, he took a part of my identity.  
  
I began to understand the heart that I wanted to leave broken and unfeeling.   
  
I treated things indifferently so that I wouldn't fear losing them.  
  
The centre of my heart...  
  
...I still didn't know what that was though.  
  
All I knew was that I didn't want to lose what I had found.  
  
Tsuzuku.  
  
--  
  
Author's note: I wanted to put this much later, but I thought of doing something much stronger as we go along. And I thought of a good pun to use! * smile, smile *  
  
I have yet to watch the rest of PoT, but please enjoy my humble fic. I'm having fun looking for doujinshi to buy for this couple.  
  
I hope that I'll be able to present them in a wonderful light, but harder rather than tender.  
  
As for Tezuka, it's called trigger finger. ^^ I have it, but I know there are a number of factors that cause it. (For me, it is either when I'm really cold...but I'm always warm so I can't always tell...and it's anxiety-induced, like my asthma.)  
  
As for Syusuke...that boy's a bitch to write about! It's so hard! I love the fact that he's messed up, but I wonder I can do both of them justice?!  
  
"Kono yarou!" - equivalent to 'that jerk' or 'that bastard' 


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own Prince of Tennis or 'centre of my heart'. (And that might as well be because if she didn't, she'd keep Tezuka all to herself. At the rate she's passionately in love with him...)  
  
melting [into] you  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 3 - Sore wa inochi janai. (That isn't [a] life.)   
  
I laughed to myself in that lonely locker room. I laughed like a mad scientist who had finally finished the last part to their experiment.  
  
I shook my head while wishing that this was in a dream world. I was almost ashamed of my own weakness.  
  
In manga, movies, and such, these things would come so easily. When two people fell in love, then naturally, they should have gotten together. If they were two boys, then in some manga paradise, these two boys could have an open relationship which didn't have to be so secret. Things would work out, after all, because they were made from women's fantasies.  
  
But still, that wasn't real life.  
  
As I put on my shirt and glasses, I closed the locker, but I sat on the bench for a couple of minutes. While I did so, I looked at Syusuke's locker. I folded my hands together and stared at it some more.  
  
I wondered what he was doing.  
  
Could I really believe in that kiss? Or was it a joke too?  
  
I couldn't trust anyone.  
  
But deep inside the crevices of my heart, I knew it was sincere. I couldn't pinpoint how or what, but I knew.   
  
If I couldn't read him, at least I would listen to my gut feeling.  
  
So, I got up, took my bag, and headed home with a lot on my mind.  
  
--  
  
The next school day, I entered the courts once more.  
  
Even though I didn't feel like practicing that day, I couldn't stop a daily routine. It was like eating at certain times of the day: I just had to. If I didn't, I would feel like I missed something very important.  
  
And so, as I walked into the courts, there I found Syusuke practicing. With a friendly nod, he greeted me and continued to practice.  
  
That day, I found myself going to his court. I put my stuff down and stood to one side to watch him practice. With my arms crossed, I watched him so carefully.  
  
But I became a bit distracted by his lips.  
  
"Tennis, tennis, tennis." I mumbled quietly to myself as I continued to watch him practice his serves.  
  
"Is it that obvious that I'm distracted?" Instead of bending, he stood straight up and looked at me. Smiling, he said, "If you keep standing there, roots are going to grow."  
  
"Why would you be distracted?" I asked seriously. (Ah, I took things so literally back then. A bad, bad thing to do when you're with Syusuke, let me tell you.)  
  
"Whenever I'm on the court, I imagine that you're on the other end, and that I'm trying to beat you. So, if you stand there..." he began to laugh with a hand behind his head. "I have two targets."  
  
"One's real and one isn't. You can at least distinguish _that_ much," I replied monotonously.  
  
"Is that sarcasm I hear?" he questioned while chuckling a bit.  
  
"Hmph," I answered while carrying my bag again.  
  
As I walked away, he quietly said, "You always runaway. You never stay with me."  
  
Had I heard that correctly? And from Syusuke??  
  
"Hmm?" I glanced back at him.  
  
The wind swished and we looked at one another for a moment.  
  
"What did you say?" I asked him as he looked at me.   
  
He turned away from me and began to bounce the tennis ball in his hands. From his profile, I saw a slightly dark smile.   
  
Finally, he answered, "Nothing."  
  
Then, he gave me his clown smile while saying, "I can't practice with you there. I'm beginning to like you being there and I'll turn to start playing with you. And without this racket."  
  
Again, I adjusted my glasses while clearing my throat. "AHEM~."  
  
I glared at him and turned around to leave and practice in the court across him.  
  
--  
  
Two weeks later...  
  
There was an upperclassman who came to my classroom. With a polite bow, I left the classroom to have a walk with her.  
  
"Yes, Sempai?"  
  
"Tezuka Kunimitsu-kun, I came here to ask you out."  
  
I slightly rose an eyebrow as I looked at her.  
  
It wasn't out of spite that I did that. It was because I was kind of shocked that she had even come for me and bluntly asked me for a date.   
  
She gave me a friendly smile and her request was so polite. It wasn't that she appeared to be very confident about her invitation, but that was just the way she was...  
  
...and so I accepted.  
  
I guess fate really loved to be a bitch because as I nodded that I would, Syusuke was walking by with a tennis racket. He didn't turn and I couldn't tell if he had even seen us.  
  
Something inside of me told me I made a big mistake that day, but I just had to try. I wanted to get through this raging river of problems that came towards me.  
  
All of them happened as I stood there thinking and thinking, unable to know where I was going. I just felt that Syusuke would be at the end of that journey. He would tell me something, but it wasn't particularly that it would be good or bad.  
  
When I thought he didn't see us, he waved at us and the girl, Itoh Kyoko, smiled back as she said, "Ah, Syusuke-kun!"  
  
Syu-Syusuke-kun??  
  
I didn't know if I was taken aback by the fact that they were that familiar with one another for them to call each other by their first names or if I was jealous at how close they were by this simple exchange of greetings...  
  
Just when I didn't think that things couldn't get anymore complicated...  
  
He came over and said, "So, what have we got here?"  
  
"Oh, we were just talking," Itoh-san said with a smile.  
  
"Ah..." Syusuke said as he gave one of his signature smiles. Patting my back, his voice rang in my ear as he said with a laugh, "Take care of my classmate, Tezuka Kunimitsu-san"  
  
He winked at her while chuckling. "I hope you'll be the one to make him talk, if anyone."  
  
At that, for a moment, Itoh-san just laughed and shook her head. "I'll try my best!"  
  
But she wasn't watching him while I glanced at him. As he turned around, his bangs went over his eyes as he frowned for a split-second.  
  
In that split-second, I saw the truth.  
  
Its sincerity wasn't something that Syusuke could hide so easily.  
  
One could only take so much before they break...  
  
...and I was only to familiar with that predicament.  
  
He left with a wave and turned the corner.  
  
I went on that date with Itoh-san and I had to say that I had a pretty good time. We went to a Chinese restaurant and split everything, even the payment. I think I was more impressed by the fact that she was very independent in that sense.  
  
When she wanted something, she just did that, which explained why I was even there in the first place.  
  
As we were walking in the park trying to get home, she put her hands behind her back and had a contemplative face. "You aren't as quiet as you present yourself to be," she told me with a smile. "I'm glad."  
  
"Maybe you just ask the right questions," I answered back.  
  
No...  
  
That wasn't it at all...  
  
There was something about the way she was. I couldn't pinpoint what, but she was very open. It was as if I could tell her many things that I wouldn't normally tell other people.  
  
She was truly that honest.  
  
Maybe if I had met more people like her, I wouldn't have felt the way I did about people...  
  
Like when that sempai crashed that racket into my shoulder...  
  
"To tell you the truth, my friend were telling me not to ask you out." She shook her head. "I couldn't understand why. I've watched you ever since you were a freshman."  
  
Her eyes blinked and kind of sparkled as she looked at me.   
  
Inwardly, I slightly blushed. "You have? I've never seen you among the crowd."  
  
"Oh, I was there. Every single game." Looking away, she said, "Even before then..."  
  
What was she trying to tell me?  
  
"Please don't take offense when I say I can't see why you would even bother to take the time to watch me," I said as I stopped walking.  
  
She stopped walking too, but her back faced me. Here was this short girl telling me, "I didn't come because people told me you were good. I came because you _are_."  
  
Trying to be politely, I honestly told her, "No, I am not, but thank you for compliment."  
  
I will never be as good as I want to be.  
  
There is something blocking my way.  
  
Maybe it was confidence, maybe it wasn't.  
  
When she turned around she took my hands and looked at me. "I watched you because you love the game. It shows with everything you do. I wish that I could be as passionate about something as you are."  
  
Then, she stepped away as she continued to say with her eyes still clearly looking at me, "You play to find something better and you don't stop until you've grasped it in your hands. Then you learn what you need to do as well as teach your opponent a lesson.  
  
"Do you know how many people have mentioned to me, 'You _have_ to play him. You won't understand tennis if you don't.'"  
  
I looked at her with confusion all over my eyes even though it appeared as if everything were under control. "I never knew that..."  
  
"My boyfriend also loved to play tennis. He was one of the people to tell me that." She nodded at me. "He played every day and I would watch him practice. He even taught me how to play even though I wasn't very good. I lacked coordination."  
  
Itoh-san laughed as she recalled this. "But the more he got into tennis, the more he distanced himself from me. All he could think about was tennis. Normally, any girl would be mad and tell her man to focus on her. I didn't though. Don't you think that it's strange?"  
  
"No, I don't think so," I replied while walking beside her.  
  
"I wanted him to pursue something that he loved. It fulfilled something I couldn't. And until now, I'm trying to find what I also will fall in love with, even if it isn't a person."   
  
Then, her eyes began to fill with tears. "You reminded me of him. That's why I asked you out."  
  
I nodded to her.  
  
"But I wanted to tell you that it's all right. I've admired everything you've done. Even when those horrible things happened. Ah, I was even talking it over with Syusuke-kun," she told me. "'That's not fair', I kept on saying."  
  
"'You don't have to take it so personally.' He got upset that I was so troubled by this."  
  
Syusuke actually upset...  
  
"I told him that I was your fan and that I liked you so much because you were so in love with the sport. No one should be able to dictate who lives or dies within it. That's like murdering someone. To die is better than not to be able to be the person you want to become. If that was your choice, then that's all right. But it's just damn wrong if someone calls the shots for _your_ life.  
  
"That's why I left my boyfriend. I decided for myself since he already made his choice unconsciously."  
  
Because she had told me so much, I felt comfortable to tell her about myself also. I put my hands into my pockets and looked up to the sky. "I play it because it makes me feel whole. I don't have to talk. I just have to show that I like it because I'm so bad with words."  
  
She laughed as she said, "Ah, now I know why Syusuke-kun loves to play with you."  
  
"Play how..." I thought to myself with much annoyance.   
  
"And why is that?" I asked her with a laugh. "Someone please inform because I've haven't been told yet."  
  
"Hi-mit-su!" Itoh-san said with a wide, secretive smile. "That's something you have to discover from him yourself."  
  
Then, she said, "This is my apartment building, so I'll leave here. Thank you for going out with me. It's been a while since I've had a good, long walk."  
  
"Thank you too," I told her.  
  
She gestured for me to come close to her. As I did, she kissed me on the forehead. "Now you can go."  
  
I blushed as she waved and went inside.  
  
"I can see why they're friends..." I mumbled to myself as she went into the building.  
  
(--;; But was my defense really that awful with people in general, I wonder...)  
  
I walked home and I thought about what my sempai had told me. For the first time in a long while, I went to sleep soundly.  
  
--  
  
The next day, I showed up on the courts bright and early as usual. And just as regular as the sun shining, there was Syusuke practicing in a different court from the last day's. He greeted me and laughed while saying, "So how was that date yesterday?"  
  
I told him, "It was pretty good."  
  
"That's good."  
  
Thwack.   
  
He was working on his serve again.  
  
I didn't say anything more, wondering what the heck was going through his head. And here I was, not wanting to ask him anything. I didn't want him to ask anything either.  
  
We again practiced in different courts, but then we met in the locker room, as always.   
  
"I like your friend. She's very genuine," I told him as I was changing.   
  
It was unusual for me to initiate a conversation, but some part of me perversely wanted to know what he thought about it. He didn't seem particularly fazed.  
  
Then again, he didn't like attaching himself to anyone or anything, right?  
  
I wonder what I had done to wear down his resolve because I was beginning to understand what he was doing to mine.  
  
"Yes, she is. That's why she's one of few people I enjoy talking to." He pulled his shirt over his head.   
  
As I pulled on my shirt, I faced him. "I learned a lot from her, but I realized one very important thing."  
  
"Which was...?" Turning towards me nonchalantly, I reached out for his collar and kissed him.   
  
I continued to kiss him until I had my fill. Trying to understand if this was out jealousy, pain, happiness, anticipation, or hope because of him.  
  
When I pulled away, I knew I had given him five times the kiss he had given me that night of the talent show.  
  
He looked at me and raised his eyebrows.  
  
Smirking, I poked him on the forehead and adjusted my glasses. "You're cute when you gawk. Now, I think I understand your amusement when you tease me."  
  
I then sang to myself while walking out of the locker room,  
  
"This is no place special.  
  
Nothing for the sane  
  
If someone's got a minute, do please explain."  
  
With that, I left him speechless.  
  
That day, I had reached an eclipse within my own heart. One in which reality and dreams came together.   
  
I wasn't sure what I was getting into. I didn't even know if I was more afraid of where this would go or at the fact that maybe it wouldn't lead anywhere.  
  
But I had to try.  
  
I realized yesterday that I had heard you correctly.  
  
I _was_ running away.  
  
Not only from you, but from myself.   
  
That if I distracted myself with all the things I needed to do, I wouldn't have to care about what happened to me. I could ignore my heart and live comfortably.  
  
That wasn't living at all, though.   
  
And I realized that when your sad eyes refused to look into mine.  
  
Tsuzuku...  
  
--  
  
author's note: Well, I promised you that I would have the fourth chapter done soon and here it is, Yumei-san! ^_^  
  
I like the feel of this story. It feels very well-balanced. As I write it, I find more ideas to write. This has been one of the easiest fics I've written in a long time.  
  
Things just flow and they make sense. 


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Prince of Tennis isn't mine.  
  
melting [into] you.  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 4 - twins.  
  
I left the locker room and I was just smirking all the way through class. Even Syusuke couldn't hide his reactions from me because this time, whenever I looked at him, he would intentionally look away from me. He would even stare out the window and watch whatever was happening.   
  
I never expected for him to act this way, but it was fun, to say the least.  
  
And it was great for a whole day. I, for once, wasn't the one who was cringing in his seat thinking, "I wonder what he's thinking?"  
  
I was the one instigating things and I smirked to myself slightly.  
  
But there was one moment in which, while leaning his chin on his palm and looking out the window, he lifted up one eyebrow to compliment on my actions. About to open his mouth to lip sync something to me, he instead closed it again while looking at me with eyes that always put me in the corner. Even if it was just inside of my head.  
  
I never could understand his innocence and sadism.  
  
So, it went without saying, just because I kissed him didn't mean we immediately reached an understanding and we got together. No, actually, we spent our days as if nothing had happened between us. He would still bug me from across the classroom and I would still be slightly pissed from his childish antics.  
  
I had risen that day, but I had gone back five steps in the next few days. It was quite frustrating.  
  
And no matter how many times I played the situation in my head, what I had done was finished. The only thing I could figure out was how to deal with the situation without it getting too out of hand.  
  
I didn't give him the pleasure of myself flirting back at him.   
  
I _knew_ that would get to him, but it wasn't done intentionally.  
  
I was still trying to work my way through myself first.  
  
Tennis practices weren't any better, though.  
  
Playing against him was just as awful as being pinned to the locker. If I thought that his jokes were bad, they got even worse because he knew that he could have gotten away with so much more.  
  
I just ignored it. Or so it seemed on the outside.  
  
"Where do we go from here?" I thought to myself while changing out of my uniform.  
  
I stayed behind everyone to go out and practice again. Plus, it was a way of venting out all these lingering feelings.   
  
After changing, I sat on the bench. It was an unusual thing for me, considering how time-oriented I was. Everything was written down until the last minute before I went to sleep.  
  
That's how meticulous I was.  
  
But here I was closing my eyes because I was already so tired. Classes were okay, but the amount of homework was increasing. Practices were becoming harder and longer due to the upcoming tournament.  
  
They were just things that needed to be dealt with, but Syusuke was straining my head. I wouldn't have thought of him so much if it weren't for the fact that I thought all his time and effort spent on teasing me was somewhat endearing. In some peculiar way, he made life quite interesting.  
  
There was quite a difference between busy and interesting, I was soon to find out.  
  
Click.  
  
I didn't even turn on the lights because the moonlight was shining through the windows and so I blinked my eyes while turning my head. There was Syusuke stepping into the locker room.  
  
He still held his wide grin, but there was something off. Or maybe it was just my imagination.  
  
I closed my eyes indifferently and ignored him.  
  
He took a few steps towards his locker and changed. By now, I knew that much because I had heard and seen him change a million times.  
  
I just never felt threatened until now.  
  
It wasn't that he was aggressive, but the fact that I was unclear where things were between us. I kissed him, but I stepped back to evaluate everything with that step.  
  
"Do you have a twin?" His voice was making a joke of this question, knowing full well what the answer was.  
  
"Of course not," I answered, still with my eyes closed.  
  
"Then why does it seem that I always see two different Tezukas with the same face?"   
  
I opened my eyes at the moment, he put his hands on the bench and leaned forward to look at me in the face. I blinked at him.  
  
"You like to see and hear what you want to, Fuji-san," I told him with a straight face.  
  
He sighed as he shook his head with his signature smile. "Then tell me why is one pursuing me and the other was pushing me away?"  
  
I just looked at him, not wanting to answer.  
  
"Give them both a message. The one pushing me away should push me away and the one pursuing me should keep on going at it." With a wink, he finished, "I prefer the one that gives me the most challenges."  
  
"And here are both of their responses," I told him, "the one pushing you back says that you shouldn't be so pushy. And the one pursuing is asking what do you want from him."  
  
Putting an index finger to my lips, he said, "Until you figure out which one is coming and going out to play on the court, I will not answer anything more."  
  
At that moment, he took the back of my head, and whispered into my ear, "What's wrong with us, Tezuka? What is so wrong if there is an 'us'?"  
  
When he was about to lean forward to kiss me, I turned my head away and his lips kissed my cheek instead. In the next moment, his hands grabbed my shoulders as he kissed my neck. Then, he let go.  
  
"I can't give you a sufficient answer right now," I told him.  
  
His forehead touched my shoulder and his hair tickled my neck.  
  
He wouldn't show me a defeated face.  
  
He was always competitive that way.  
  
"That's the one thing I've always hated about you. You always have to have an answer. You have to give one or take a reasonable one."  
  
Getting up, he carefully lifted up his head. Smiling at me with a little kid charm, he lifted up the bottom of his jacket. It had _my_ name on it!  
  
It was MINE!  
  
Fuji began to laugh as he slipped away from me. "I'll give this to the twin that you present to me. Until that time, you'll have to wear my jacket, Tezuka-san."  
  
"Fuji!!!!" I shouted without any respect to the '-san' at the end of it and with a tone filled with annoyance.  
  
"Ah, if only you were screaming for a different reason." Walking out of the locker room, he winked at me saying, "By the way, if you do scream my name, remember next time to say, 'Syusuke'."  
  
As soon as he left, in my frustration at the situation, him, and myself, I threw his jacket at the door. But then, after a few seconds, I lifted it up from the ground. I held it in my arms and looked at it.  
  
My competitive nature didn't want to lose to him, but I knew something deeper was losing already.  
  
I dusted it off and looked at the name of "Fuji" on it.  
  
"What's wrong with us?" I asked aloud while looking at the jacket in my hands.  
  
It complicated so many things, Syusuke...  
  
Where did I want to begin?  
  
--  
  
In the end, the great resolve of Tezuka Kunimitsu couldn't handle the impact of his self-imposed challenge to figure out the wily fox named Fuji Syusuke. (A task that _would_ take a lifetime and even that wouldn't be enough to satisfy one's curiousity.)   
  
I got a cold that same night.  
  
I could handle situations and calculate them in my head. I observed everything to learn and to teach about whatever I needed, or at least help someone out. But no matter how healthy I was by eating the right food, exercising regularly, doing schoolwork on time, and such, my whole body and my psyche couldn't handle the impact of Fuji Syusuke.  
  
So, I ended up missing school for a few days.   
  
On the phone, I was as calm as ever in giving my reasons to the coach and asking classmates for notes. But inside, I was going through my list of things to do in my mind.   
  
I shook my head and became a bit frustrated as I sat up in my bed feeling as sick as ever with a fever. I took the necessary medication, but it didn't matter what I did physically right now.  
  
I knew I had to face what I had done by kissing him and not answering him at the same time.   
  
And it wasn't that I didn't know the results. It was just that I didn't think it would affect me in such a way.  
  
Telling someone you like them versus someone telling you they like you were totally different concepts. I was used to being on the other side of the spectrum and not in my current situation.  
  
I folded my arms and sat up in my bed while coughing and drinking water.  
  
"This wasn't a show or a comic book," I repeated to myself aloud. "What we do from here will affect everything that touches us, especially tennis."  
  
It was more than a disease or a virus. This feeling deep within me was rotting me from the inside.  
  
In books, on the tv, and in society, it told you that you could separate yourself and various situations and people. That was wrong though. They're interconnected no matter how hard you tried to keep them apart.  
  
You could close your heart and mind from other people, but that didn't mean you could impose that on another person. This infatuation of looking at him, even though it was his fault in the first place, wasn't just affecting me anymore.  
  
It would start to affect him as well.  
  
And I knew that I didn't know how to handle that yet.  
  
There was nothing to help me in this situation.  
  
It was like quicksand. I was falling in deeper and deeper, but I had no way of getting out.  
  
Again, I held the jacket out in front of me.   
  
"I don't have an answer yet, Fuji."  
  
Then, I began to cough and let go of the jacket. It dropped to my lap, but the arm sleeves touched my waist and the name was flipped out once more.   
  
I read it aloud, "Fuji."  
  
Even his jacket was clinging onto me.  
  
I held onto one arm sleeve tightly in between my fingers.  
  
I kept on holding on, but did I have any right to? Was it wrong to like someone so much but never tell them anything back to the extent of how you truly felt? The more you fell into them, the more you couldn't show it?  
  
I was choking and coughing at the thought while taking medicine again.  
  
I knew it hurt you to see me restrain myself.  
  
But it was just as painful seeing you give everything while thinking you're fighting a hopeless battle...  
  
Doubt filled my mind as I remembered him saying once to me, "Ah, but I love to see people suffer. It's fun."  
  
...or was it the other way around, Syusuke?  
  
Tsuzuku...  
  
--  
  
author's note: Aiya, Tezuka is having so much trouble coming to terms with himself. I wish we could switch positions for a day and then maybe, even in a manga story...it would happen...but it won't. I'm just thinking too hard and relating my frustrations out on Tezuka. 


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Prince of Tennis doesn't belong to Yui.  
  
Melting [into] you  
  
By miyamoto yui  
  
  
  
Chapter 5 - going beyond yourself.  
  
Shh...shh...  
  
The wind was kind of loud today, despite the fact that I only left the window a little open. I just needed some air, but when I opened my eyes, I found someone had come into my room.  
  
The door was left open as well.  
  
I blinked as I stared at the blurry door, trying to make out who was making the noise in the kitchen. I called out, but my eyes opened in alarm.  
  
I patted my throat.  
  
I couldn't talk?!  
  
I coughed, but there was absolutely no noise. And I felt as if I were in a silent film in which no matter what I did, I wouldn't be heard.  
  
Looking from side to side, I tried to figure out what to do. All I knew was that I had to get out of my room. It felt like the walls were growing smaller and smaller.  
  
I needed to get away...  
  
I needed air to breathe...  
  
Tumbling out of bed, I fell to the floor with my pajamas.   
  
"Kunimitsu?" someone called from the kitchen.  
  
I didn't recognize the voice because I was so dizzy.  
  
But I had to leave...  
  
I needed to get away...  
  
This urgency was making me more and more desparate by the second. No matter how well you planned, once your body and mind gave up on you, it was all over.  
  
I always forgot about things like that. I shamefully took them for granted, like every human being living upon the Earth.  
  
Stumbling to the door, I coughed again.   
  
And then, I felt a warm substance on my hands. It was dripping to the floor.  
  
Blood?!  
  
Crash!  
  
The tray dropped to the ground as I fell to the ground. Whomever was in the house shouted my name, but it could have come from a distant country for all I knew. It seemed so far away...  
  
At that moment, that person wrapped their arms around me and did something very strange. They took my hand and licked it. Then, his lips kissed my own.  
  
As he was pulling away, he whispered something into my ear, "I'll take everything, Kunimitsu. Everything..."  
  
I blinked my eyes to look at the person's face, but I was fading to unconsciousness.  
  
But the strong resolve diminished as he desparately held onto my shoulders.  
  
"You can't go..." His hand banged on the floor in silent frustration as I felt a tear fall onto my face...  
  
--  
  
Knock, knock, knock.  
  
My eyes immediately opened and I took a deep breath. "A dream?" I asked myself.  
  
There was knocking on the door again.   
  
A bit dizzy from the dream, I sighed as I unsteadily got up. I plopped back down on the bed. "Maybe I shouldn't get it," I said to myself.  
  
After all, I had let the phone go all day anyway.  
  
It was that guy again in my dream...  
  
How embarrassing. Why couldn't it be a girl? Why did it have to be a guy?   
  
"I feel like I'm from a shoujo manga," I said to myself with a groan.  
  
Insistently, the knocking continued.  
  
I knew it couldn't be avoided, so I hung onto the walls as I went to the door. Coughing, I weakly said, "I'm coming."  
  
Who could it be?   
  
No one ever came to visit me...  
  
In all the years that I had been alive, as cordial as I had been with everyone, they were left outside the door of my home. And somehow, that had always been an unspoken rule between people and myself.  
  
I never liked to cause anyone any worry, but nor did I like showing my weaknesses to anyone.   
  
So, this was quite unexpected, to say the least.  
  
When I unlocked the door, I leaned on the wall as I looked at Itoh-san standing before me.   
  
"Hi!" she said with a smile as she pulled on Syusuke's sleeve to stand next to her.  
  
Some part of me was touched by this, another part was annoyed. "Whose fault do you think this is?" I thought to myself.  
  
I kind of expected it and then some part of me hoped it would be you...  
  
Syusuke...  
  
Letting my guard down and not by choice, I gave them a weak smile. "Hello."  
  
"You missed practice today," he said as he stood now at the threshold with Itoh-san holding his hand to pull him inside.  
  
Either way, I was amused. I knew it meant "I'm worried" even though he wouldn't have admitted it at the moment.  
  
"Ah," was all I could say.   
  
They put down each of their bags, took off their jackets, and put their shoes to one side.  
  
I began a coughing fit all over again.  
  
Instead of acting polite, Syusuke just took my arm and Itoh-san took the other arm. Both of them dragged me back to my room. As I sat on my bed, he scolded me with a sigh. "See? This is what happens when you think too much."  
  
He hit it right on the mark...  
  
I didn't say anything as I pulled the covers over me as he helped me into bed.  
  
Sitting on one side of the bed, he said, "I guess I'll make you some soup, but I have to warn you that I am not good with cooking."  
  
"You don't have to," I said, but he just got up and left.  
  
It was then that Itoh-san sat next to me and put her hand on my head. Patting my hair, she gave me an exasperated sigh with concerned eyes while looking at me. "He was so worried he walked by this area everyday."  
  
I lifted up my eyebrows. "The great Fuji Syusuke actually going out of his way for the good of mankind?" I delivered this in such a serious, sarcastic tone that Itoh-san laughed hard.  
  
Syusuke sneezed from the kitchen. "I know you're talking about me!" he shouted with a laugh.  
  
"But tell me, Tezuka-kun, why are you sick?" She wasn't someone who didn't need much to put the pieces together.  
  
"Been thinking about too many things, I suppose," I said as I looked out the window to avoid her gaze.  
  
It was then that she put her hand on my shoulder and hung it there. Smiling, she shook her head. "Whatever it is, don't let it cloud your mind too much. Remember, it's either you do it or don't. That's all decisions ever come down to."  
  
"For a woman, you sure are black and white," I told her as I glanced back at her.  
  
"I just like to keep things simple. It isn't good to oversimplify things, but..." she leaned her head on my shoulder as she pulled her hand away. "...how can I watch you play if you're sick like this?"  
  
I looked at the top of her head and her long hair spilling like fine silk all over.   
  
"I'll be out there soon," I said as I patted her back.  
  
Then, she leaned back up and now she was the one looking out the window. She put her hands on mine as she said with her eyes now on me, "I don't have to tell you anything, and I don't have to tell you advice about being focused, Tezuka-kun. But whatever it is you're struggling with, just do what you feel is right."  
  
"Then tell me something, Itoh-san," I asked as she pulled her hands away.   
  
This question had bugged me...  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why did you let your boyfriend have his dream? You wanted something passionately to love too..." I then looked straight at her as I finished, "...and wasn't he it?"  
  
Her eyes looked down at my hands. Her smile became a slightly sad one as her eyes became very thoughtful. "Because Tezuka-kun, that is my decision. I felt him to my core and I wasn't scared to let go of myself."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You love tennis, Tezuka-kun. Anyone in their right mind could see that. You love it to the point you put your heart into it. Why would you stop yourself from improving if you want to immerse yourself in it? I saw that through him also. I wanted him to grow to his fullest extent because he had always pushed me to do my best."  
  
I crossed my arms as I began to cough. "You weren't always like this?"  
  
She shook her head. "No way! I was genki, but it was so empty. I would burn out so fast. He taught me that I shouldn't just let other people's happiness rub off on me to make me smile, but to grab my own.   
  
"It was a hard concept to grasp, but I learned. Nothing should stand in your way, especially yourself."  
  
I began to cough and she pushed me to go take a little nap. Still sitting at the side of my bed, she told me before I fell asleep, "Everything will work out if that's how you want it to be. You should know that already, Tezuka-kun. But think now, _why_ do you want it this certain way?"  
  
I blinked at her as I fell asleep mumbling, "Thank you for coming and I'm sorry I'm rude to fall asleep on you..."  
  
I finally drifted off to sleep and I dreamt...  
  
"You're going too far!" a voice said. It was an unrecognizable voice and I couldn't even tell the gender.  
  
I had never heard it before, but it seemed so familiar with me...  
  
Suddenly, in this white space, there was a reflecting puddle before me. I was five years old.  
  
"Kunimitsu! You're too far!" the voice shouted.  
  
There was a silhouette on the ground, but no body running towards me. There was only that shadow of black and for some reason, I could only make out tennis shoes running towards me.  
  
"KUNIMITSU! You're doing this on purpose!" Then, the shadow began to fade and I realized that I was moving backwards as the person was trying their hardest to get to me.  
  
"KUNIMITSU!"  
  
"Tezuka."   
  
I opened my eyes to find Syusuke looking at me with his hands on my shoulders. "Are you all right? You were shaking."  
  
The usually calm Syusuke looked so worried that he looked like he was going to cry. It took a lot to make him react to anything, but I must have done something really awful for him to react this way to me.  
  
Sleepily, I said, "I did?"  
  
As I got up, I leaned forward and put my head on his shoulder. The world was spinning around me, but Syusuke put his arms around me.   
  
And so, things were becoming gradually calm.  
  
"What happened in your dream? Tell me," he told me softly. It was a tone that I had never heard him use before.  
  
I shook my head like a little kid. "It's no big deal."  
  
"Hey, where's Itoh-san?" I asked and he answered, "She had to go home."  
  
"Now, tell me your dream," he firmly insisted. With a sigh, he said, "What am I supposed to do if you don't tell me anything, Tezuka?"  
  
But I didn't like telling anyone anything, Syusuke...  
  
Quietly, we stayed that way and the chaos within my head was slowly being hushed.  
  
But why am I going to deny you when you want to listen to me, Syusuke?   
  
At this, I smiled to myself.  
  
  
  
"There was somebody chasing me and I ran away from them," I started to say while coughing. He rubbed my back as he listened to me.  
  
He laughed and said, "Ah, it sounds so familiar."  
  
I closed my eyes and smiled quietly, not minding that I was showing him a side of myself that was weaker than the usual me.  
  
"The person kept on coming closer and closer, but I kept on going forward. And the funny thing was that I had my adult mentality, but I was stuck in my five-year-old body." I chuckled and coughed. "Isn't that funny, Fuji?"  
  
He shook his head as he smiled at me while saying, "No, it's perfectly fine."  
  
"That's because you're demented," I said with my usual monotonous voice. I blinked at him to show my indifference.  
  
He winked at me. "And you're sexy when you flirt back."  
  
That night, he took advantage of my infirmity and fed me his (might I add that it was tasty) soup. As much as I pouted from it, he gave me his smile back.  
  
--;; I had to slap his hands a few times so that he'd stop molesting me.  
  
His defense: "How can I be in the same room as you and not try something? There's just no way around it, I'm sorry."  
  
It was all done with a straight face.  
  
"Fuji...omae..." I twitched. "You're running twenty laps when I get back!"  
  
Then, he went home and I was again left alone. I smiled to myself as I turned off the light.  
  
It was a good visit from both Itoh-san and Syusuke.  
  
But as I fell asleep, I mumbled to myself, "For a moment, Fuji, I did think it was you calling after me."  
  
Some part of me wanted it to be that way.  
  
But why was I hesitating? I was afraid.  
  
The most hurtful thing for me besides not being able to play tennis was that I'd make the wrong decision.  
  
I wasn't used to following things with my heart over my head's logic.  
  
I never liked people like that. The ones that followed what their feelings told them.  
  
But now...  
  
Maybe I had to become what I wasn't, so that I could go beyond myself...  
  
To understand what I kept deeply inside.  
  
To see the things I didn't know were there in the first place.  
  
Tsuzuku...  
  
--  
  
Author's note: And things are progressing and will pick up very soon... 


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: yui doesn't own prince of tennis.  
  
melting [into] you  
  
by miyamoto yui  
  
Chapter 6 - intention.  
  
I woke up in the middle of the night to stare at the darkness above me. And when I turned my head, I found a glass of water with some more medicine at the side. My mother probably came in the middle of my sleep and left it there.  
  
I felt bad that I was worrying her. This was one of those things that I didn't like doing to her most of all. After that incident with the sempai, I never wanted to worry her again. Even though she didn't tell me, she was crying to my father.   
  
I didn't like that feeling.  
  
And what was I doing now? I was supposed to be the pillar of Seigaku.   
  
Only, a single boy had messed up my way of thinking and my body was suffering the consequences of my abuse once more.  
  
Again...  
  
I wonder if I was so weak to show Fuji my weak side. Once again, I was becoming close to someone who was opening themself to me. I didn't like that either.  
  
My instinct was telling me that I shouldn't do this all over again. After all, the heart that I kept hidden along with my apathetic face was an invisible scar that I carried deep inside of me.  
  
Slowly, I sat up and took the medicine while trying my best not to cough it up. After finishing, I turned my head towards my window, but I slumped back down onto my pillow once more. The world was spinning even though I was standing still.  
  
"Again..." I whispered to myself while staring out the window while I lied on my bed motionless, almost to the point that I couldn't hear myself breathe anymore.  
  
I was used to being picked on.  
  
It wasn't a rare sight to be bullied when other people thought you were better than they were. That was just human nature, I guess. As for me, I always just enjoyed doing whatever I was doing, but I just happened to choose tennis to put my love into.  
  
Day after day, I trained myself until my mother became worried. But I eased her worries only to increase my own by being quiet. The more people talked, the more I became distant.  
  
It wasn't that I cared what they said. I just wondered why they had to be that way. I wondered for such a long time why did people have to hate you for doing your best.  
  
Wasn't that I ironic?  
  
Society tells you to work hard, to study hard, to function well in the community. And at the moment that you are an individual, that is the time that you're told that that isn't good because it shows the differences between people. The different levels in any type of scale for anything are weighed, and no one wants to ever lose.  
  
Only, everyone has to lose something to gain another, isn't that right?  
  
In the process of rising, I lost the bright smile I had in order to be taken seriously. In the process of becoming wiser, I lost what it meant to be young and carefree.  
  
Responsibility, responsibility, responsibility.  
  
You represent your parents.  
  
You represent yourself at all times. You'll be branded for life if you don't act the way you're supposed to.  
  
I tried to push the limits, but there were some things I couldn't get through.   
  
Oishi was my best friend, but even to him, there were things I barred away from his sight so that he wouldn't worry about me also. Everyone has their secrets, but mine weren't really secrets I consciously kept.  
  
They were more of things I ignored so that I could be this tough, persistent person.  
  
I think that was what he saw through me.   
  
Yamato-buchou...  
  
For as long as I lived, I'd never forget that name or that face.  
  
Sometimes his way of doing things wasn't conventional and sometimes, I was surprised by how he handled certain situations, but my admiration grew and grew since the moment I met him.   
  
He called me the future pillar of Seigaku.   
  
It was at the time that I was about to quit because I wasn't going to stand for a sempai's disrespect of my tennis. I didn't want to grow into that type of person with that type of environment.  
  
But he made me stay. Oishi stood in my way, but the captain came to talk to me.  
  
And from then on, he tried to train me as best as he could. He talked a lot and I listened while I sat on the bench next to him. I would listen so eagerly to the point that he laughed at my seriousness.   
  
"But I'm taking note of what you're saying, Captain," I told him while looking at him.  
  
"Just let it develop. These things will develop with time," he told me while patting my head. "You can't just take my word for it. How about if I am wrong?"  
  
"But I trust your word, Captain," I said without hesitation.  
  
At that moment, he rested his hand on my head and stopped talking.   
  
"Do you trust me because I'm your captain or is it because of me as a person, Tezuka-kun?" he asked me as he stared out in front of him, but his hand was still on my head.  
  
"I just feel that it should be so," I told him while giving him a contemplative look. "I trust you as the captain, but I don't know you enough as a person yet."  
  
He began to laugh as he took his hand away from my head. "Then, you'll have to learn, won't you?"  
  
I wondered why he was laughing, but he interrupted my thoughts. The captain got up from the bench as he said, "Trust in yourself, Tezuka-kun."  
  
I blinked at him. Had I been that transparent?  
  
"I do, Captain," I said as I slowly got up from the bench.  
  
But at that moment, he pulled the back of my head and held me close to him. "Stop holding back what you have. You have to show the world what and who is Tezuka Kunimitsu through your play. How can you do that if you keep on worrying about what's in front of you instead of aiming higher?"  
  
I opened my eyes widely.  
  
All I remembered was that hand was so warm and somehow he was trying to understand me.  
  
I couldn't understand if he was doing it because he wanted me to become the pillar or was it because he could see through me. Either way, I was shocked because I never expected anyone to notice.  
  
I thought my face was unreadable.  
  
To become the pillar, I thought I had to become more and more determined and strong, but I guess there was one thing the captain wanted me to figure out by myself. Always to aspire higher, but to never hold back.  
  
Even when you're in pain.  
  
I wanted to cry in front of him, but I didn't at that moment.  
  
But why...  
  
Why did I want to fall so easily into Fuji's arms without thinking twice?  
  
What was he seeing that I couldn't? What was he reading that I couldn't see within myself?  
  
I knew this feeling was the same.  
  
It was the same with the captain, but yet it was different with Fuji.  
  
I knew the truth deep inside and I didn't want to discover it just yet...  
  
Even though I never acted like it, I wanted him to be cement.  
  
If I was the pillar of Seigaku...  
  
...I wanted him to hold me together.  
  
I wanted him that close to me.  
  
"Why?" I asked myself as I sleepily closed my eyes.  
  
Because I could feel that behind that smile of his, there was something only he could tell me about myself. That he knew what to do about all the things I pushed away into a corner of my heart.  
  
That he would accept me...  
  
Not because of tennis...  
  
But through it.  
  
And beyond it.  
  
Without a second thought, I took my cel phone and started to text message him. Whether or not he would understand, that was irrelevant.  
  
"Don't ever quit tennis without me."  
  
Two minutes later, I unexpected got a reply that said,  
  
"Of course.  
  
But if you quit, I'll decide that. ^_^"  
  
I wrote back,   
  
"That was my intention."  
  
Tsuzuku...  
  
--  
  
Author's note: I have done more researching in order to get the feel of the characters. I thought I didn't have Tezuka's character at all. I thought that I didn't even understand him but then I realized that I did after all. I just didn't have enough evidence at the time. Or at least, this is the way I will portray him.  
  
I have chosen to bring out Yamato-buchou in this sequence rather than later on because I wanted to echo the similarities and differences in Tezuka's character then and now and in the near future (which is my aim). There are hints, but then, there are not. I'm just messing with his mind. ^_^ (The more I torture a character, you know I love them more. ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;)  
  
As for some questions about the spelling of 'tsuzuku', it really is spelled that way. When you put 'su' or 'tzu' with the two dan (the apostrophe type marks to make it a voiced sound), it becomes 'zu' in either case. It's just that these days, due to typing, 'tsu' with the dan has been made 'du' in order to distinguish a way to type it out on Japanese language programs. If this I were to be consistent, then Tezuka would be Teduka as well, but this is what I was taught in Japanese class, therefore I'll keep it that way.  
  
As for Tezuka living with his parents, thank you for your observation, however, I wanted to make it seem like Tezuka has a more emotional side. Though he may not seem the type to take things for granted, I feel that he is a person that thinks a lot. To keep in character, I wanted him to focus on himself this way, putting his parents in the background not as a way to ignore them, but as the mentality of a mature person, yet he is a middle schooler.  
  
Again, thank you for reading and your wonderful insights and comments! I am always encouraged by this and will try my best to bring out the best that I can. What I have in mind will probably be a LONG fic and it will have some curve balls that even I didn't anticipate at the end. I hope that I will make it successful. ^_^ 


End file.
